On Monday August
15th, we got a call from a precious nurse at the hospital that a
baby had been born over the weekend and the birth mother did not want to keep
her. She wanted to find an adoptive
family and by God’s grace, our names were thrown into the mix. The doctor showed her our picture and
adoption book, along with other families, and told her to sleep on it. Joe and I didn’t get too excited because we
have learned to be guarded and the walls around our hearts are about as high as
the Eiffel Tower. Once you’ve been
through such a low valley for so long, it’s hard to dig yourself out and jump up
onto the mountain top until there’s a real reason to do so. We always thank God for possibilities in our
adoption journey, but we also knew we had a long road ahead.
We both went to work on Tuesday like
a normal day when we got the phone call that she chose US. Her last words to the doctor were, “I want
Whitney to be the mother of my baby.” We
rushed home and packed our suitcases.
The baby’s bag had been packed up since November when our other adoption
fell through. For the last 9 months, I
prayed it would be a girl and God answered my deepest desire. Our nursery walls were pink, our car seat and
stroller were pink, and all of our clothes were pink. We raced to the hospital squeezing each
other’s hands so tight that they turned blue.
We listened to worship music and praised God the whole way there. I couldn’t listen without crying because God
had given me the hope I had prayed for in the shower that very morning. A week ago we were crying over another failed
IVF cycle and this week we were heading to the hospital to see the face of our
miracle. It’s amazing how quickly God
can redeem your story.
When we pulled up to the hospital,
both of our parents were standing out front and we were both shaking like
leaves. On the ride up the elevator I
felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
It was like waking up on Christmas morning to see what all Santa left as
a child. The nurse invited us in the
nursery while our families stood outside the window with video cameras and
other cameras. I can remember walking up
to her bed with so many fears running through my mind. Would we connect? How long would it take for her to know me as
her Mommy? How will I know she is my
daughter? I thought it was impossible
for God to meet my expectations after all this time of waiting. There is no way what I pictured in my head,
dreamed about every night, and prayed for for 5 years could be everything I
wanted it to be. But…when I saw her
face, it was even better.
She was everything I had dreamed of
and more. I had never seen a more
beautiful face in my life and when she looked into my eyes I could truly see
the face of an angel. Her face took
every piece of my broken heart and put it all back together. Her eyes erased all the pain I felt from
miscarriages, failed adoptions, and all other disappointments over the past 5
years. This was my baby that God had
created just for me, my hope I had been praying for. Laying there in that baby bed with no name, a
standard blanket, and a plain white shirt reminded me of the love of our
Father. She was an orphan until the
second they put her in my arms. She
found love and a last name just like Christ adopted us as orphans. He loved us at our worst, He died on the
cross and gave us a new last name. As a
Christian I was chosen and now this baby was also chosen. “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come
to you.” –John 14:18
I was so scared I was going to drop
her because I was crying so hard – shaky shoulders and all. Joe and I gave a new meaning to “ugly cry”
that day and I’m not sure we will ever be the same. They called us “Mommy” and “Daddy” as they
put on our hospital bracelet and it was the sweetest thing we have experienced
in our marriage. They walked us to our
hospital room, a private suite away from the other families and they treated us
like royalty. Everyone fell in love with
this sweet baby and they were so excited to see her find a good home.
They walked us in and asked what we
wanted them to write on her name card and I quickly answered “Faith”. Last January was a low point for me. Getting over our failed adoption at
Christmastime was really tough and I can remember driving down the road with
tears pouring down my face as I cried out to God. I finally got to a point where I was really
open with God and He knew my inmost being so He wanted me to tell Him my real thoughts
and feelings. I remember praying and
saying I couldn’t do this anymore. I
thought my heart could not possibly break any more and all the pieces were
already gone. Never in my life have I
heard God in an audible voice until that day.
His response to my prayer was “And you will call her Faith.” I had to pull my car over because it startled
me. “God, does this mean I’m going to
have a girl? I already have a name chosen
that Joe and I picked on our first date” and His response again was “And you
will call her Faith.” I lost it and I
just kept thinking this isn’t the Old Testament where God spoke audibly. I’m not special enough for God to speak to me
like this. “And you will call her Faith”
He kept speaking to me over and over again.
Over
the next 7 months, this was the only hope I had to cling to was knowing one way
or another I would have a daughter and her name would be Faith. I prayed over this for a while before I told
Joe because we both had our hearts set on our other name and everything was already
monogrammed and ready to go. We were
driving home from church one day and I told him, “You may think this is weird
and I know it is, but God wants us to name our daughter Faith.” I prepared myself to defend my reasoning and
how I knew this was God’s desire, but he said “It’s perfect. I love it.”
Faith
became a common theme as it surrounded me.
My kindergarten students would get me things with the word faith on it,
my friend got me a bracelet that had the word Faith pressed in it, Joe got me a
“Faith as a mustard seed” necklace that I wore every single day. God always gave me a daily reminder somehow
to remind me of His promise. Even in TJ
Maxx shopping with my mom and sister I would have to walk away when I would see
it on something because I would tear up so badly when I saw it on anything. God would be faithful and I knew it, but it
just wasn’t time yet.
Everyone
always has a neat story about how their parents came up with their name, and I
pray that Faith will always be able to share her story with anyone she comes in
contact with. She’s the most prayed over
baby I have ever known. 5 years of
prayers from family, friends, coworkers, church family, neighbors, students,
strangers…everyone has prayed for this miracle and she is here now.
We
enjoyed our stay at the hospital so much.
The doctors, nurses, and custodians loved on us like we were part of
their family. They even gave us the
steak dinner that they give “new parents” and said we were no different than
anyone else. When they came to wheel me
out and take her home, I was a WRECK! I
had only been wheeled out for surgeries after miscarriages and this time I was
getting wheeled out as a mommy carrying my sweet baby girl. I could not get over God’s goodness and
provision in our lives. We loaded her up
carefully in her car seat for her first car ride and both of us sobbed
uncontrollably. She slept the whole way
home as we sang her praise songs with tears flowing down our cheeks. “Faithful to the End” by Bethel has been our
song that kept us going on our hardest days.
When it began, we couldn’t even sing a note. All we could do was raise our hands in honor
of our God of miracles who had brought us out of the valley and placed us on
the mountaintop.
We
got home and introduced Faith to her new home and her big sister, Ally (our
dog). For 5 years we would put Ally’s
“Big Sister” shirt on when we found out we were pregnant or we were chosen by a
birth mom only to take it off a few weeks later, but this time she was wearing
her shirt and she would never have to take it off again. It was a beautiful reunion that I couldn’t
have dreamed up in my head. She climbed
right up and smelled Faith and laid down beside her.
We
had to wait 5 days according to Alabama law for her to be ours and those were
the longest 5 days of our lives. We
enjoyed every second of feeding her, bathing her, changing her, even getting up
in the middle of the night felt like a perfect dream. We kept waiting for someone to pinch us, but
we are awake and this IS our child. If
you don’t believe in miracles, please look at the face of our baby because she
is a living miracle. She is my favorite
answered prayer besides God healing my grandmother from breast cancer. Please continue to pray for us in the days
ahead as there are still hurdles for us to jump over and hoops to jump
through. Also, please pray for our birth
mom. She is the most selfless person in
the world and she gave us a precious gift we couldn’t give ourselves. Please pray she will have peace in knowing
she picked a family who couldn’t possibly love her baby any more. Also pray for the families who were not
chosen to be her parents. We have been
there many times and nothing crushes your spirit like putting yourself out
there only to be rejected.
There
is no doubt this baby was meant to be ours.
She was conceived right around the time our other adoption fell through
and as hard as that was we know God was using it to prepare us for Faith. In November, we bought everything we needed
for a baby girl and we were able to enjoy this adoption so much because we were
already prepared. Faith was born 5 days
after our heavenly baby’s birthday and born a week after our failed IVF
cycle. I could go on for days about how
God orchestrated every tiny detail. He
is the “God who performs miracles” and there is NO doubt about that. We will never stop praising Him for as long
as we have breath in our lungs. If you
are reading this, you probably prayed for our baby many times and we thank you
from the very bottom of our hearts.
Because of you and your faithfulness, we now have everything we ever
wanted on this earth. Adoption is truly
a miracle.
“FAITH is having confidence
in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” -Hebrews 11:1
