Life After Loss

       Most of you know that we experienced a miracle pregnancy on Halloween after 8 years of trying. No shots, no pills, no procedures...just GOD! We were so excited and immediately told Faith she would get to be a big sister! We were perfectly content with Faith and after such a long road to get Faith, we were convinced we would be a happy little triangle- a family of 3. However, with this amazing news God started planting seeds in our hearts to grow our family.

      Like our other 2 losses, we went in to hear our baby’s heartbeat, but instead I was prepped for surgery...again. For some reason after my D&C I had a harder time accepting this miscarriage. Why would God give me a miracle baby only to take it away? Didn’t He care about Faith’s broken heart, if nothing else? Thanksgiving and Christmas were hard but I really dreaded our anniversary...my due date. 

      I joined a small group in the spring by Lysa TerKeurst called “It’s not supposed to be this way”. I was surrounded by a group of believers that lifted our family in prayer and never stopped believing that God would make Faith a big sister again. They spoke life over me and truly restored my hope for the future. We started opening our hearts to the idea of adoption again but we were discouraged when our adoption agency’s prices had doubled and their paperwork had tripled. We decided to get a private home study just to show God we would be faithful however He chose to answer. 

       My sister, as well as Joe’s brother, got pregnant in the spring and with their exciting news came more heartache for us. We could not wait to be an aunt and uncle again, but how could we explain to Faith that they would get a new baby when she didn’t get to keep hers? Within a week, I got a random phone call that there was a baby if we would be interested in throwing our name in the hat. We overnighted a Shutterfly profile book to give to the birth mother and we never heard another word.

       For over a month and a half, we waited but thought this probably wasn’t our child. Then, I got a call out of the blue that she had chosen US! My first question was “Who?” because we had given up on the situation. I found out she wanted extra time to think about it, but among many families she was given, she chose us. She said, “I want to give Whitney my baby because she’s lost so many babies.” I was immediately devastated for those other families that weren’t chosen because we have been there and got the T-shirt. However, we felt like Faith deserved to have a sibling and this might be her only chance. We found out the baby was a GIRL and she was due on July 7. 

      Meeting her could only have been orchestrated by God and when Joe prayed over this sweet family, we knew this could really be something special. We went to a couple of appointments with her. We got to hear our baby’s heartbeat and we saw her sweet face on the 4D ultrasound. We instantly fell in love! These are all things we missed out on with Faith, but had always dreamed of. I will never forget being in that ultrasound room and the doctor looked at me and said “This has always been a place of sadness for y’all hasn’t it? This is when you always found out you miscarried, but He is redeeming that for you now with this baby.” We all wept and we couldn’t believe there was such light coming from our darkness. 

       You may not know that we had 3 adoptions fall through before Faith, so we were not convinced this was our child until it was legally official in black and white. We were so excited but still very guarded as we painted our nursery, washed baby clothes, had things monogrammed and prepared for a sweet baby girl. We didn’t tell anyone but our families and we made Faith keep the biggest secret of her life. Luckily, everything in our house was pink and all we needed was a name. We both agreed to pray about it for several days before we threw anything out on the table. One day we came together and said we felt like God has given us a name and at the same time we said “1-2-3...Hope!” It was weird but we knew that’s what God intended. We feel like their names will always be a testimony to how special they are and how God uniquely designed them just for us.

      On July 3, our birth mother was induced and we got to be by her side. We listened to our baby’s heartbeat all day and brought in ice chips by the cup full for her. I didn’t realize how emotional I would be. To see another woman suffering to give you the most precious gift of all is truly remarkable. She was so brave and delivered her with such grace.       

      The Dr. let me catch her and then Joe cut the cord. It wrecked me to see the sacrifice this precious birth mother had made to grow our family. I was rushed to skin on skin time in another room where I sobbed uncontrollably. I had a new found respect for adoption in a different way than I saw with Faith. We got to witness the closest earthly example of Christ possible and it was truly humbling to think that she trusted us to steward her most precious gift of all. 

       Faith is officially a big sister and our baby girl was born on our due date (and our 9th anniversary). It took a LOT of faith to get Faith, but we always had hope that God would answer again. Now we have Hope! Thank you for being part of our journey and for praying for these sweet girls to find our family. If you are still praying for your miracle, we are praying with you. Only God made us a family of 4 and we know He will be faithful to you too. 

“Perhaps you were created for such a time as this.” Esther 4:14 

You Give and Take Away

      This week I am in awe of our good, good Father...complete awe. I don’t even feel worthy enough to share our story, but God has added to our testimony so I am going to share what He has done in our family. 

      One day, I was checking the mail and I noticed our flowers on the porch were dying. I quickly hurried in to get a pitcher of water and as I was pouring I thought how cool that God will make these plants come back to life with just a little water. As soon as I thought it, I felt Him whisper over me “I can make what’s dormant come back to life, so don’t be surprised when I do the same for you.” 

      Exactly one week later, I didn’t feel like myself and I asked Joe if he thought getting a pregnancy test would be a waste of money. He said he would grab one on his way home and neither of us thought much about it. We’ve payed THOUSANDS of dollars to hear “Your pregnancy test was negative. I’m so sorry.” IUI’s, IVF, pills, shots - we’ve tried it all, with very little positive results. However, now we know that’s because God was creating Faith to be the perfect piece to our puzzle through the miracle of adoption.

      This summer I was having a lot of trouble, and my Dr. thought it would be best to remove one of my ovaries due to it being extensively damaged from endometriosis. I don’t remember much about it except being hysterical after Joe told me the news when I woke up. I told him “Now I’ll NEVER get to have a baby. I’m so sorry.” He reminded me that we said for better or for worse and he would never stop loving me regardless of if I could have a baby or not and that Faith was all we needed. Our Dr. explained that our chances of having a baby were highest right after surgery. After two unsuccessful IUI cycles, we moved on with the confidence that God would perhaps continue to mold our family through adoption. 

     Little did we know, He had a surprise in store for us a few months later. I took that “waste of money” test and it was positive! When I read PREGNANT my mouth and knees hit the floor in awe of God letting me experience this. NEVER in 8 years did I get to take a home pregnancy test that said PREGNANT. Joe ran and hugged me when I picked my jaw off the ground and told him. Faith smiled big and danced around us because she saw how happy we both were. God had given us another miracle and we couldn’t be more grateful that He had allowed us to experience this.

     Joe, Faith, and I couldn’t wait to share our exciting news with Faith’s BIG SISTER shirt; however, God had other plans. It seems that He loves our family of 3 and needed our baby in heaven more. Words cannot express what an honor it was to experience this miracle that we were told might never happen. 6 weeks of nausea, cravings, and tiredness were everything I had hoped for. For many, it was a terrible experience... but for me, it was an absolute dream. Faith was excited to get a “baby” and constantly told us she wanted a “bubba”. 

       We walked in to an appointment to hear the heartbeat and walked out getting prepped for surgery. I had a D&C Friday and we are confident that this will help us move forward as my body starts the healing process. We are trusting that one day there will be a purpose in our pain, just as we’ve tried to do with the other struggles we have experienced. We WILL see our heavenly babies one day and that gives me a supernatural peace that only God can give. 

       We ask that you please join us in prayer for God to mend our broken hearts in a way that only He can. Thank you for loving our family so well and for lifting us up in prayer during this very difficult time in our lives. 

“And if not, He is STILL good” - Daniel 3:18

The Hairs on Her Head were Numbered

        Joe and I have been emotional wrecks lately. As we celebrate Faith's first birthday, we are reminded what a miracle she truly is. One year ago today, I had lost ALL hope. I hit rock bottom and I was convinced on August 13, 2016 that God didn't want me to be a mother. I had decided I was going to be a really good teacher and love my kindergarten babies like my own and I would be the BEST aunt in the world. Who knew on the exact same day that I was convincing myself of this that my child was being born? Yes, my child that I didn't birth and I hadn't spent the last 9 months growing inside my tummy. Instead, my child that God had picked out to be mine was birthed from an absolute angel. I had hit rock bottom, but 3 days later I met my child and God answered every prayer I had been praying.

       We lost two precious biological babies, but I know I could not possibly have loved either of them any more than I love Faith. It will be neat to get to Heaven and see our babies that looked like us, but it's even more breathtaking to see God's plan unfold and raise this sweet baby who doesn't. God created this blonde haired, blue eyed baby who looked nothing like me so that when I'm in Publix meeting a perfect stranger I have the opportunity to share Faith's story.  When our waitress asks where she gets those beautiful, long eyelashes I have the chance to tell her about our God-given miracle. 

       As of today, her testimony our church shared has been viewed by over 78,000 people. Her story is giving encouragement to those who are waiting to be parents, speaking life to those with no hope, and hopefully reaching the lost on a daily basis. All those years of waiting and He was creating something far greater than we were even praying for. I know without a shadow of a doubt that Faith Elaine Childers was fearfully and wonderfully made by God just for us. 

        Several people have asked me to blog more, but the truth is I wait until I feel like there is something God is speaking to me about. Sometimes He gives me a topic or a line, but this time was the title. Sometimes He speaks and I post it the same day and sometimes it's months later. This title came to me sometime in May and I have been praying about what He wanted me to include in it. Every time I stare at Faith, I am reminded that her hairs are numbered. I prayed MANY prayers for 6 years and He knew the hairs on her head the whole time. "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered." -Luke 12:7

      I want to remind you today that if there is something you are praying for, don't give up. Keep praying and when you think God can't hear you, pray harder. Sometimes we pray about something thinking God should answer immediately and when He doesn't, we give up. However, that's when God wants you to lean in, curl up in His lap, and trust that His timing is perfect.

      The day we met Faith fell on the 4th day of a new kindergarten school year. In Whitney terms, there was no worse timing in the world to get/have a baby. In fact, this is the only time for 6 years that I prayed, "God if it doesn't happen right now, I'm okay with that." When did God answer? During that window of "please don't answer with a baby right now". Would I change her story? No. Would I change her birthday? No. I grabbed my purse, packed my suitcase, and drove to the hospital, because I knew that God's timing was absolutely perfect, even in the midst of chaos! He's a good, good Father and He wants what's best for His children. Give God what you are praying for and let Him work. I can promise you it will be even better than what you can imagine. Don't lose hope! Keep the faith! 

"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains."- Matthew 17:20

Babies Don't Keep

      First off, I want to tell all of the women who are reading this and so desperately want a baby to save this blog post and come back to it one day. I know you desire to be a mother so badly and want to relate to it, but can't yet. I remember opening articles/blogs about babies and crying because I couldn't relate to the love it described that I so deeply yearned for. Mommas, please take a minute to stop before reading and pray for the ladies who so desperately long for what I describe below that you and I both take for granted daily. We are praying and believing that God answers the prayers of those who want children and we can't wait to celebrate with you one day soon!

       Today was a regular day. My child slept almost zero last night which means my husband and I slept ZERO. We have successfully tried to cut the night time feedings out of Faith's sleep schedule for the past few weeks, but after 3 hours of fighting it, we finally gave in to a bottle. She is cutting 4 teeth, we ate an early dinner, she went to bed earlier than normal, etc. I could go on and on as to why we caved, but in my mind, it's failure...it's regression. 

        I have learned in the short 10 months of being a mom that our worst enemy of parenting is ourselves. By nature, I am a perfectionist. I have a touch of OCD and I set goals for myself that, in other people's eyes, are unattainable. I will push myself to meet them, even knowing how unrealistic they are in my mind. These traits pay off to be a fairly successful kindergarten teacher because we get a LOT done in the school day, but as a mom, I end up beating myself up. Why does our house look like a tornado hit? Why are there constantly dishes and laundry that need to be done? Why can't I get myself together the way I did prior to Faith?

        Today, as my child napped on my chest, the way she has all summer because time with her is so precious to me, I heard God say "Be still". With her every breath that went up and down on my chest, tears fell from my eyes. You see, waiting to be a mother for 6 years has taught me that the dishes don't matter, laundry will get done, and our house can look like a bomb went off because in 17 short years she will be gone. I know I will blink and she will be driving away with a trunk full of suitcases and I will be a basket case the way my parents were as I pulled off and headed to The University of Alabama. 

       I'm sure to most people, letting her nap on me is time wasted from house chores. Sometimes the enemy even taunts me with "Imagine how much I could get done with one extra hour to myself every day". To be honest, I don't even get to use the restroom without her smiling and pulling up on my legs (TMI, I know). However, every time I see a stack of laundry that needs to be put away, I am reminded that that place on the sofa is the same place that I cried after my miscarriages. The dishes in the sink remind me of all the tears I cried over an empty sink because I had nothing else to fill my time with. The area where all of her toys are sprawled out everywhere is the same place I got the phone call that our adopted baby was born at Christmas and the birth mom decided to keep her. I cried on that clean, toyless carpet for hours with tears streaming down my cheeks as worship music played in the background. Our house was spotless, but our hearts were broken. 

        I know my circumstances aren't the same as most of yours and I'm sure my trials make parenthood different for me, but I just wanted to share my heart with you. Please stop letting the enemy defeat you and please stop thinking you aren't good enough. Enjoy time with your babies, because they won't keep. I feel like just yesterday Faith had her first smile as a newborn and now I'm chasing her all over the house as she screams "Mama", "Dada", and "Ally" (or her version of it). Yes she tries to pull the blinds off the wall, yes she licks the dog because she knows she's not supposed to, and yes she's just like every other baby getting into EVERYTHING, but today I will not let the enemy win. Today I choose JOY. Today, I will enjoy this baby for as long as I can knowing tomorrow she is one day older and one day closer to independence.          

        Thank you, Lord, for this sweet gift and for the gentle reminder to be still. In the chaos of life, You let me enjoy the moment you've given me with this beautiful miracle. Please be with those who long for theirs and we know you WILL answer in your perfect timing. We know they will be wonderful mom's because they will know and appreciate the value of time as they continue to wait. Please be with those who have their miracles and remind them that life is precious and the chores can wait. Help us to prioritize according to your Word, meaning you are first and our family is second. We know everything else will fall into place, as it should. The investment we make in our children is eternal, while the things we stress over the most are worldly items. Thank you for the precious gift of time and for the knowledge to know that when we breathe our last breath we will never say that we spent too much time with our families.  I cannot fathom a love any stronger than the bond Faith and I share, but I know the love I have for this baby doesn't even compare to the love you have for me. For that, I am forever grateful. Thank you for loving us in our weakest moments and for cheering us on even when the enemy has tattooed failure on our foreheads. You have the power to erase anything he writes, because we are a child of the King. Today, we CHOOSE joy. In Jesus name, Amen.

"Be joyful always, give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." -1 Thes. 5:16-18

Beauty from Ashes

      Most days, Faith is my daughter. I see her as this beautiful child that has the silly personality of her Daddy and big, blue eyes that came from her Pop. Sometimes, I forget I didn't birth her and when people complement how perfect she is, I take pride in thinking I had something to do with that other than prayer (even though I didn't). Her DNA isn't what makes us family, love is.
      Other days, God chooses little things to remind me she IS adopted and she is a perfect gift given to me that I couldn't have dreamed up. It humbles me to know that our daily activities are opportunities God gave to her just by being in our family. Going to a beach resort, swimming in a neighborhood pool, attending an amazing church, playing with a Daddy who will get in the floor and make her laugh, having extended family members/strangers love on her daily, etc. These are just some of the things that I often wonder if she would have had the opportunity to do if her last name weren't "Childers". I don't think God wants me to live in a state of question or "what could have been" for her, but I think He uses these everyday things to remind me what a blessing she is to our family.
      I've been told "The old Whitney is back", because seeing Faith's excitement has given me a brand new outlook on life. The Bible states that God can "bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." (Isaiah 61:3) This verse hung on my mirror and I always looked forward to the day he would give me the former instead of the latter in each phrase. He has finally done all of these things for me and more.
        Recently, I had some issues with my eyes and my Mom told me sometimes tears will flush it out and my response to her was "I don't cry anymore." It was so humbling to hear myself say that out loud. Prior to August, I cried daily. Sometimes it was tiny tears from a trigger of my miscarriages, sometimes sobs from thinking of how old our failed adopted baby would be, and sometimes torrential downpours from pure sadness of waiting to be a mother. I can honestly say I don't cry anything but happy tears now because God has allowed my dreams to come true. This time last year, I was leading an infertility small group and today I got to attend a Mommy and me small group with my miracle.
      Every single morning when I wake up to her sweet babbles, huge smile, and bright blue eyes I'm reminded of how much God loves me. He loved me at my weakest when I couldn't see His plan and He loves me now as I stare at what He saw the whole time. It was as if for 6 years He would drop little puzzle pieces for me to see He was at work, but without seeing the big picture on the cover of the box I wasn't sure what the end would look like. Would it be the picture I wanted? Would there be any pieces still missing when I finished? How long would it take to finish the puzzle?
      All of those things were details God knew, but needed me to trust Him. "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do NOT see." (Hebrews 11:1) Some days were better than others because I was sure of what I hoped for, but I wasn't always certain of what I couldn't see. I knew God knew, but my human nature would still question this from time to time. How could I be SURE of something I couldn't even see? That's where faith comes in.
       If God had given me a puzzle piece with Faith's two little teeth or maybe a piece with her beautiful long eyelashes or a piece with her wrinkled nose when she smiles, it would have made all those years of waiting so much easier. However, blindly trusting Him is what got me this far and my faith in God is what eventually brought me Faith.
     If you are collecting His puzzle pieces in your situation, hold on to them. I know you are dying to see your picture on the outside of your box, but cling to the hope that God sees the big picture and He knows you are going to love His end results even more than what you are dreaming they will be. He WILL give you "a crown of beauty instead of ashes" and it WILL be worth your wait. "When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen." (Isaiah 60:22)

To the mother who's not a mother yet

      I grew up in a southern Baptist church where Mother's Day was always a big deal. The oldest mother always got a special rose and the youngest mother did too. My goal was to get that youngest mother rose one day after I got married. My plans were to have my babies at a young age and have a completed family by the age of 30. (Only by God's amazing grace do I even have 1 baby at 30.)
      One of my favorite verses in the Bible is "Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. Is your desire to be a mom? Don't lose hope. If He's given you that desire, it's there for a reason and He will answer. There were MANY days when I thought those desires I felt were my desires but then I had to remind myself that if I had them, God put them there. Each time I lost hope He would use someone, some verse, or some thing to remind me that He would answer.
     It is so hard to see others' dreams come true without a hitch while you've waited months, years, or what seems like a century for yours. Some women have no idea how long you have dreamed about that poopy diaper they are gagging over or how tight their clothes are getting as their womb expands or how you have waited for the day you could wear spit up on your shirt to work.
       I can remember an incident a while back where I was holding a baby and it spit up all over me. The circle of women (mothers) all laughed when I quickly gave him back to his mom. They thought I was about to throw up because I wasn't a "mother" so I couldn't stomach it. What they didn't know was I went to the bathroom and cried because I longed for the day when I would have my baby spit up on me. What appears on the outside isn't always the same as what's on the inside.
      A few months ago there was a perfect reminder of all of those things for me, because motherhood is something I will never take for granted. We went to a birthday party and I felt like it was my first "earned" motherly outing. I used to not get invited to my friends' things because I didn't have a baby, but now that I have one it seems I've earned my place in the "mom club".            
        Flash back to exactly one year ago. This was the same house that I left crying from a baby shower because I felt like I was invisible. Everyone was talking about what brand of diapers they love and how their baby wasn't sleeping well, while I stood there and grinned through tears longing for the day that I could relate. I used to refer to it as my "gracious loser face" because that's all I could seem to muster up. (I don't do awkward well.) We were married long before all these couples started dating, and now they all sneezed and had children.
      This time, I participated in conversation and felt like I truly earned this experience I was talking about. Our child giggled on the same changing pad that I had secretly gone into the nursery and prayed over last year. My lap was full this year with our sweet angel while last year all I held was my purse and my broken heart. People looked at me in awe this year while last year was a look of "Why are you here without a baby?"
      This precious couple also had infertility trouble and while their experience was short lived, I still grew close to this sweet soul on her journey. Oh how I longed for the day that our miracles could be friends. While most of my friends moved on with their perfect lives, this friend never failed to check on me and send encouragement along the way. When I didn't feel like I would ever be a mother, she always reminded me that one day I would be a great one. She's also the only person I have ever known that cried when she delivered her baby at the hospital and apologized that it hadn't happened to me yet. Who does that? Someone who truly gets it. I didn't want her to cry because it was the best day of her life, but at the same time she was validating how much she wanted to see God bless our family the way He had blessed hers.
      Last year, I drove away from this same house in tears of sadness and told God I couldn't do it anymore. I could not live with a desire that He wouldn't answer for the rest of my life and I begged Him to take it away if it wasn't of Him. However, as the months toward getting Faith grew closer, that desire got even stronger.
      This year I drove away with tear-filled eyes again, but not from sadness, from pure JOY. Each step I took carrying my sweet blessing toward the car was a reminder of God's faithfulness to show how far He carried me the past year. All I could do was thank Him for this precious and perfect gift that was grinning at me while tears fell out of my sunglasses. She was the desire of my heart and He had answered.
      I know some days are worse than others for you. I know people don't understand and those that do know your struggle don't know what to say to make life better. Just know that your Heavenly Father does. Each Facebook post with a pregnancy announcement, each baby shower invite you get in the mail, and each baby aisle you pass brings you one day closer to your baby. Every sunrise you see is one closer to God answering your prayer. I am praying for you daily and I am believing with you that if your desire is to be a mother, God can and will answer.      
      Happy Mother's Day to all of those who are waiting with pills, shots and treatments. Happy Mother's Day to those who have lost their baby to Heaven. Happy Mother's Day to those who are waiting on that phone call to pick your miracle up at a hospital. This is a day that the Lord has made and one day soon you will be holding the desire of your heart. I can promise you it will make that Mother's Day even sweeter when it does come. Until then, I am praying for you. "Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." ~Habakkuk 2:3

"When Your Faith is Tested"

        Last week, I took Faith for a routine checkup to be sure her ear infection was gone. I saw several friends in the office with their babies and I still have to pinch myself that I finally have mine. She spit up all over me and all over herself so I had to change her clothes. The nurse and I laughed as she walked me back telling me it would be a good idea to leave an extra change of clothes for me in my car now that I'm a "mommy".
        The Dr. cleared us of the ear infection and continued her routine physical. She started pushing on Faith's stomach and I immediately knew something was different. Faith is usually giggling and smiling every time she wraps her little feet around this sweet doctor's wrist, but now the laughing had stopped and her eyes looked concerned. The doctor kept pushing and pushing and I finally broke the silence with "Is something wrong or is it too scary to tell me?" She said she wanted to continue with the rest of the exam and come back to it before she said anything. Before I could blink back the tears, she was back to her stomach. With a deep sigh, she finally said she did feel something. It wasn't something that she said wouldn't be okay, but she couldn't promise me that it would be okay.
       The tears began to flow. The warm kind of tears that come from a deep place in your heart where it really hurts. She wanted to see us again in a week to see if it grew. I finally got enough courage to ask her what she thought it was so I could pray more specifically over Faith's body. She said possibly the "t" word (tumor) and I didn't hear anything after that. I quickly put Faith's clothes back on and hurried to the car before all of my makeup melted onto my shirt. It was like living in a nightmare and you can't wake yourself up.
       Faith began to cry as she saw me cry. She knew something was wrong, because this was the first time since the day we met she had seen tears of sadness instead of tears of joy fall from my face. I began to immediately pray over her delicate body, begging God to heal what the Dr. had felt. Whatever was physically questionable I prayed for God to remove it. He had done it in so many stories in the Bible and I knew He could do it now. After all, He did give me this precious gift.
        I called Joe on the way home and in between sobs he pieced together sentences out of the few words I was able to muster up. (He perfected this art on the infertility/failed adoption roller coaster our marriage has endured over the years.) He reminded me that God didn't give us the keys to drive the car once He gave us Faith. He would always be the driver and He would always be in control all the days of our lives. He took me back to last January when God wanted me to name her Faith and how much FAITH it took to get her. In 1 Samuel, Hannah gave her baby to God all the days of his life and we had done the same thing with Faith since the first day we met her.
        "You of little faith" I began to think. My God is bigger and He is better than anything Satan could throw at me today, tomorrow, or 10 years from now. When our faith is tested, we either run from God or run to God. I'm so glad He was waiting for me with open arms as I ran to Him on the chilly drive home that day.
       It's an honor to be a child of the King who isn't offended when our faith is shaken. He gives us time to cry and let human nature run it's course. Then, He straightens our crown on our heads and dusts us off even when we fail Him. This lyric spoke to my heart as the CD played on the drive home that day:
"Throwing Your arms around me
You held me like I was Yours
Like You'd been there the whole time waiting, I was found in You."
Street called Mercy- Hillsong United
I didn't know what that next week would hold when I walked into that office with my miracle and her diaper bag, but I did know "And if not, He is STILL good."
         An excruciating week later, the Dr. pushed around on her stomach again at the checkup. This time her demeanor was different and her load was light. After several minutes that felt like hours she said, "Well, whatever I felt last week God has removed. I could feel it easily at her last exam and I can't even find it today. This is what I prayed for. It's gone." Tears of joy fell from both of our cheeks. We were so relieved to get a good report and to know our baby was healthy again.
       Each day, God reminds me how incredibly blessed we are that this little miracle came into our lives on that perfect August afternoon. She is and always will be THE greatest gift I've ever been given. Thank you, Lord, for another miracle and for the health of this precious child You chose to name Faith. With "faith as small a mustard seed", let her move mountains and be a world changer in the days to come.