"And You Will Call Her Faith"

        On Monday August 15^th, we got a call from a precious nurse at the hospital that a baby had been born over the weekend and the birth mother did not want to keep her.  She wanted to find an adoptive family and by God’s grace, our names were thrown into the mix.  The doctor showed her our picture and adoption book, along with other families, and told her to sleep on it.  Joe and I didn’t get too excited because we have learned to be guarded and the walls around our hearts are about as high as the Eiffel Tower.  Once you’ve been through such a low valley for so long, it’s hard to dig yourself out and jump up onto the mountain top until there’s a real reason to do so.  We always thank God for possibilities in our adoption journey, but we also knew we had a long road ahead. 

         We both went to work on Tuesday like a normal day when we got the phone call that she chose US.  Her last words to the doctor were, “I want Whitney to be the mother of my baby.”  We rushed home and packed our suitcases.  The baby’s bag had been packed up since November when our other adoption fell through.  For the last 9 months, I prayed it would be a girl and God answered my deepest desire.  Our nursery walls were pink, our car seat and stroller were pink, and all of our clothes were pink.  We raced to the hospital squeezing each other’s hands so tight that they turned blue.  We listened to worship music and praised God the whole way there.  I couldn’t listen without crying because God had given me the hope I had prayed for in the shower that very morning.  A week ago we were crying over another failed IVF cycle and this week we were heading to the hospital to see the face of our miracle.  It’s amazing how quickly God can redeem your story. 

         When we pulled up to the hospital, both of our parents were standing out front and we were both shaking like leaves.  On the ride up the elevator I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.  It was like waking up on Christmas morning to see what all Santa left as a child.  The nurse invited us in the nursery while our families stood outside the window with video cameras and other cameras.  I can remember walking up to her bed with so many fears running through my mind.  Would we connect?  How long would it take for her to know me as her Mommy?  How will I know she is my daughter?  I thought it was impossible for God to meet my expectations after all this time of waiting.  There is no way what I pictured in my head, dreamed about every night, and prayed for for 5 years could be everything I wanted it to be.  But…when I saw her face, it was even better.

         She was everything I had dreamed of and more.  I had never seen a more beautiful face in my life and when she looked into my eyes I could truly see the face of an angel.  Her face took every piece of my broken heart and put it all back together.  Her eyes erased all the pain I felt from miscarriages, failed adoptions, and all other disappointments over the past 5 years.  This was my baby that God had created just for me, my hope I had been praying for.  Laying there in that baby bed with no name, a standard blanket, and a plain white shirt reminded me of the love of our Father.  She was an orphan until the second they put her in my arms.  She found love and a last name just like Christ adopted us as orphans.  He loved us at our worst, He died on the cross and gave us a new last name.  As a Christian I was chosen and now this baby was also chosen.  “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” –John 14:18

         I was so scared I was going to drop her because I was crying so hard – shaky shoulders and all.  Joe and I gave a new meaning to “ugly cry” that day and I’m not sure we will ever be the same.  They called us “Mommy” and “Daddy” as they put on our hospital bracelet and it was the sweetest thing we have experienced in our marriage.  They walked us to our hospital room, a private suite away from the other families and they treated us like royalty.  Everyone fell in love with this sweet baby and they were so excited to see her find a good home.

         They walked us in and asked what we wanted them to write on her name card and I quickly answered “Faith”.  Last January was a low point for me.  Getting over our failed adoption at Christmastime was really tough and I can remember driving down the road with tears pouring down my face as I cried out to God.  I finally got to a point where I was really open with God and He knew my inmost being so He wanted me to tell Him my real thoughts and feelings.  I remember praying and saying I couldn’t do this anymore.  I thought my heart could not possibly break any more and all the pieces were already gone.  Never in my life have I heard God in an audible voice until that day.  His response to my prayer was “And you will call her Faith.”  I had to pull my car over because it startled me.  “God, does this mean I’m going to have a girl?  I already have a name chosen that Joe and I picked on our first date” and His response again was “And you will call her Faith.”  I lost it and I just kept thinking this isn’t the Old Testament where God spoke audibly.  I’m not special enough for God to speak to me like this.  “And you will call her Faith” He kept speaking to me over and over again. 

Over the next 7 months, this was the only hope I had to cling to was knowing one way or another I would have a daughter and her name would be Faith.  I prayed over this for a while before I told Joe because we both had our hearts set on our other name and everything was already monogrammed and ready to go.  We were driving home from church one day and I told him, “You may think this is weird and I know it is, but God wants us to name our daughter Faith.”  I prepared myself to defend my reasoning and how I knew this was God’s desire, but he said “It’s perfect.  I love it.” 

Faith became a common theme as it surrounded me.  My kindergarten students would get me things with the word faith on it, my friend got me a bracelet that had the word Faith pressed in it, Joe got me a “Faith as a mustard seed” necklace that I wore every single day.  God always gave me a daily reminder somehow to remind me of His promise.  Even in TJ Maxx shopping with my mom and sister I would have to walk away when I would see it on something because I would tear up so badly when I saw it on anything.  God would be faithful and I knew it, but it just wasn’t time yet.

Everyone always has a neat story about how their parents came up with their name, and I pray that Faith will always be able to share her story with anyone she comes in contact with.  She’s the most prayed over baby I have ever known.  5 years of prayers from family, friends, coworkers, church family, neighbors, students, strangers…everyone has prayed for this miracle and she is here now.

We enjoyed our stay at the hospital so much.  The doctors, nurses, and custodians loved on us like we were part of their family.  They even gave us the steak dinner that they give “new parents” and said we were no different than anyone else.  When they came to wheel me out and take her home, I was a WRECK!  I had only been wheeled out for surgeries after miscarriages and this time I was getting wheeled out as a mommy carrying my sweet baby girl.  I could not get over God’s goodness and provision in our lives.  We loaded her up carefully in her car seat for her first car ride and both of us sobbed uncontrollably.  She slept the whole way home as we sang her praise songs with tears flowing down our cheeks.  “Faithful to the End” by Bethel has been our song that kept us going on our hardest days.  When it began, we couldn’t even sing a note.  All we could do was raise our hands in honor of our God of miracles who had brought us out of the valley and placed us on the mountaintop. 

We got home and introduced Faith to her new home and her big sister, Ally (our dog).  For 5 years we would put Ally’s “Big Sister” shirt on when we found out we were pregnant or we were chosen by a birth mom only to take it off a few weeks later, but this time she was wearing her shirt and she would never have to take it off again.  It was a beautiful reunion that I couldn’t have dreamed up in my head.  She climbed right up and smelled Faith and laid down beside her. 

We had to wait 5 days according to Alabama law for her to be ours and those were the longest 5 days of our lives.  We enjoyed every second of feeding her, bathing her, changing her, even getting up in the middle of the night felt like a perfect dream.  We kept waiting for someone to pinch us, but we are awake and this IS our child.  If you don’t believe in miracles, please look at the face of our baby because she is a living miracle.  She is my favorite answered prayer besides God healing my grandmother from breast cancer.  Please continue to pray for us in the days ahead as there are still hurdles for us to jump over and hoops to jump through.  Also, please pray for our birth mom.  She is the most selfless person in the world and she gave us a precious gift we couldn’t give ourselves.  Please pray she will have peace in knowing she picked a family who couldn’t possibly love her baby any more.  Also pray for the families who were not chosen to be her parents.  We have been there many times and nothing crushes your spirit like putting yourself out there only to be rejected.

There is no doubt this baby was meant to be ours.  She was conceived right around the time our other adoption fell through and as hard as that was we know God was using it to prepare us for Faith.  In November, we bought everything we needed for a baby girl and we were able to enjoy this adoption so much because we were already prepared.  Faith was born 5 days after our heavenly baby’s birthday and born a week after our failed IVF cycle.  I could go on for days about how God orchestrated every tiny detail.  He is the “God who performs miracles” and there is NO doubt about that.  We will never stop praising Him for as long as we have breath in our lungs.  If you are reading this, you probably prayed for our baby many times and we thank you from the very bottom of our hearts.  Because of you and your faithfulness, we now have everything we ever wanted on this earth.  Adoption is truly a miracle.

“FAITH is having confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” -Hebrews 11:1