"Our Rainbow Baby"

       For those who don't know, a “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss.  In everyday life, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm giving hope that better things are still to come. The rainbow is more appreciated after just experiencing a storm.  This was never more true until Joe and I made it out of the storm.    

     After a LONG 5 years of waiting and praying, I never thought God could make every tear worth it. People told me that it would all go away once I became a mother, but in my heart I thought there was no way. Many days I cried so hard, I didn't have any tears left. "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle." (Psalm 56:8) The only hope I had was in God's word, knowing my tears weren't falling in vain. However, Faith HAS erased every single tear I ever cried. She took the broken pieces of my heart and put them all back together. She has "turned my mourning into gladness" and given me "comfort and joy instead of sorrow". (Jeremiah 31:13)

     Several people have made the comment that "Faith is so lucky to have us" and how we "saved her from a different life", but the truth is she saved me. I was at a place where not being a mother had become my identity. I knew who I was in Christ, but I allowed my pain to define who I was. It became difficult to enjoy holidays, birthdays, and other special events because that meant one more Christmas without a baby. Each birthday, I was another year older than I thought I would be to become a mother. By 30, I planned on having all of my kids and I was approaching that age without any.

      For many years, I was only a mother to my heavenly babies. While I was so grateful for those two angels, I still prayed and prayed for my "rainbow baby" to come along that I could hold in my arms. The day we got the phone call that Faith was a possibility, there was a beautiful rainbow painted across the sky. Somehow God was speaking to me then that Faith would be my rainbow baby.  

    I had tears in my eyes as I drove home staring at God's promise that day. For so many years, a rainbow was a reminder to me that God would never flood the earth again and this time it was different. This rainbow was the promise that I would finally be a mother and that God would be faithful to give me my "rainbow baby." That's why Faith's onesie says, "After every storm there is a rainbow of hope...here I am!" 

     God, thank you for this perfect and precious gift from above. I can't wait to wrap my arms around my little ones when I get to heaven, but until then words cannot express how grateful I am for the little one I'm holding now. Please comfort all of the women out there that are still praying for their rainbow baby. Let each beautiful rainbow you paint in the sky be a reminder of your promise to them. "You've never failed and you won't start now." (Oceans by Hillsong)