Beauty from Ashes

      Most days, Faith is my daughter. I see her as this beautiful child that has the silly personality of her Daddy and big, blue eyes that came from her Pop. Sometimes, I forget I didn't birth her and when people complement how perfect she is, I take pride in thinking I had something to do with that other than prayer (even though I didn't). Her DNA isn't what makes us family, love is.
      Other days, God chooses little things to remind me she IS adopted and she is a perfect gift given to me that I couldn't have dreamed up. It humbles me to know that our daily activities are opportunities God gave to her just by being in our family. Going to a beach resort, swimming in a neighborhood pool, attending an amazing church, playing with a Daddy who will get in the floor and make her laugh, having extended family members/strangers love on her daily, etc. These are just some of the things that I often wonder if she would have had the opportunity to do if her last name weren't "Childers". I don't think God wants me to live in a state of question or "what could have been" for her, but I think He uses these everyday things to remind me what a blessing she is to our family.
      I've been told "The old Whitney is back", because seeing Faith's excitement has given me a brand new outlook on life. The Bible states that God can "bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." (Isaiah 61:3) This verse hung on my mirror and I always looked forward to the day he would give me the former instead of the latter in each phrase. He has finally done all of these things for me and more.
        Recently, I had some issues with my eyes and my Mom told me sometimes tears will flush it out and my response to her was "I don't cry anymore." It was so humbling to hear myself say that out loud. Prior to August, I cried daily. Sometimes it was tiny tears from a trigger of my miscarriages, sometimes sobs from thinking of how old our failed adopted baby would be, and sometimes torrential downpours from pure sadness of waiting to be a mother. I can honestly say I don't cry anything but happy tears now because God has allowed my dreams to come true. This time last year, I was leading an infertility small group and today I got to attend a Mommy and me small group with my miracle.
      Every single morning when I wake up to her sweet babbles, huge smile, and bright blue eyes I'm reminded of how much God loves me. He loved me at my weakest when I couldn't see His plan and He loves me now as I stare at what He saw the whole time. It was as if for 6 years He would drop little puzzle pieces for me to see He was at work, but without seeing the big picture on the cover of the box I wasn't sure what the end would look like. Would it be the picture I wanted? Would there be any pieces still missing when I finished? How long would it take to finish the puzzle?
      All of those things were details God knew, but needed me to trust Him. "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do NOT see." (Hebrews 11:1) Some days were better than others because I was sure of what I hoped for, but I wasn't always certain of what I couldn't see. I knew God knew, but my human nature would still question this from time to time. How could I be SURE of something I couldn't even see? That's where faith comes in.
       If God had given me a puzzle piece with Faith's two little teeth or maybe a piece with her beautiful long eyelashes or a piece with her wrinkled nose when she smiles, it would have made all those years of waiting so much easier. However, blindly trusting Him is what got me this far and my faith in God is what eventually brought me Faith.
     If you are collecting His puzzle pieces in your situation, hold on to them. I know you are dying to see your picture on the outside of your box, but cling to the hope that God sees the big picture and He knows you are going to love His end results even more than what you are dreaming they will be. He WILL give you "a crown of beauty instead of ashes" and it WILL be worth your wait. "When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen." (Isaiah 60:22)